All entriesFrustration
There are really only a few successes I count from the last few weeks. In the aggregate, I've been fairly frustrated with various major issues in my life. Coming off of an illness that took a lot out of my physically, having some frustrating experiences in a near-relationship, dealing with some general great personal weaknesses that come back to haunt me, and the pressures of work have all taken their toll. This has left me finding myself not being very productive at work or as happily and anxiously engaged in social pursuits as I would desire. I've found myself doing a lot of day dreaming and wishing, feeling fairly unable to move forward.
The Successes
However, as mentioned, I have had some successes. I recently restarted the practice of Morning Pages, as advocated by Julia Cameron in The Artist's Way and her other books. This time I have been true to her instructions (which I have not been in the past). I write as soon as I get up in the morning. I write longhand for three full pages of whatever comes to mind. I've been fairly diligent about this and today marked day 11 in a row of the practice. Just as with any meditative practice (which I feel like this is a combination of prayer, meditation, therapy, and creation for me), the real benefit comes after a sustained effort for an extended period of time. So, we'll see. Sustained effort has always been a bit of a challenge for me.
My second success has been that I have taken up exercising again. I've had a gym membership for a few months, but as usual I stopped attending. I was able to exercise five days last week. I hit the treadmill, jogging for 25 minutes, 3 days last week. I was able to attend one yoga class -- that's something I wish I had more time for. I also played volleyball on Thursday night with the regular crowd from church. I haven't made it to work out every day (I didn't make it today or last Tuesday -- there's something about Tuesdays this year), but it is slowly improving.
Musings
One thing that has really occurred to me lately, especially through my practice of morning pages and all of the reading I've been doing (I think I've read or re-read at least 10 books in the last month) is that I really enjoy writing. I hope that eventually when I crawl out of this shell that I seem to be stuck in right now I'll be able to express myself in more ways than just in my morning pages. Lately I feel a greater draw towards writing than I do programming; though I view the two as two different aspects of the same thing. Both are using language with a given syntax and semantics to express a given idea. One just happens to be algorithmic and the other not usually.
I wonder how I can snap out of my lack of productivity at work. I hope this isn't just a case of "while the boss is away..." I really don't want to be that type of person.
Well, this disk I'm burning for work is almost done, so I'm off...
